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3.30.2015

Manic Monday

It wouldn't be Monday if Mother Nature didn't come full force with her army of ill minded, pain inflicting, little devils continuously kicking my uterus with steel toed boots. I couldn't imagine any other way I would want to spend my day (after working a 12 hour night shift) than putting myself into ridiculous positions trying to rid myself of this nonstop torture. I did some searching and all of a sudden I remember the Legs Up The Wall pose. BINGO! This pose has so many benefits, and cramp relief happens to be one of them. If I could stay in this pose all day, I would. FYI, here are some of the other benefits from Legs Up The Wall that may be of service to you:

  1. Relieves swollen ankles + mild backache.
  2. Stretches the back of the neck, front torso and hamstrings.
  3. Migrane and headache relief.
  4. Calms anxiety.


I am no expert on yoga and the different poses. I learn a lot from doing research on different poses and I still barely know anything. I have been in a yoga hiatus as of lately, so I am needing to get back into it. Before I started, I always thought "there's no way that yoga can provide that good of a workout." I have never been so dead wrong in my life. Actually, this was the first time in my entire life that I was wrong. Just ask my boyfriend, he'll tell you I'm always right. The way your body and your mind connect while doing yoga and how you feel an overall sense of peace with yourself after the class is pretty amazing. The way you can push your body and see advancement through one class is reason enough to keep going back. 

Other than Mother Nature being a pesty little betch and me complaining about everything under the sun, today was overall a pretty good day. My Midol finally kicked in. It was sunny and 50's. Me and Lacy enjoyed the outdoors and went for a jog/walk/pull Cassee all over the street. Just a PSA, if you're thinking about getting a Bloodhound or any hound mix, please note that you will NEVER have a leisurely walk. I mean ever. But they're so cute so you should totes buy one. Buy me one too, Lacy wants a friend.

xoxo
Blondie

3.29.2015

Mute

So, I've noticed that as I get older (yes 24 is old), the less I text and the less phone calls I have logged. Most of my recents are missed calls because I really don't feel like overexerting myself by holding a 5 min conversation. Sometimes my hearing disability is clutch because if I can't hear you, I can't respond and its a win win (for me at least). I'd say I'm like 50% hearing disability, 50% selective hearing. Sometimes that ratio is 75/25. 

I find myself avoiding going to the local hot spot bars on the weekend because I don't wan to run into anyone and have the meaningless conversation about how we haven't seen each other in, like, forever and we should totes hang out soon. "Okay I'm gonna go get a beer now, byeeeeee!" I've found that if I do end up at these humdrum bars, I avoid eye contact at all costs so I don't have to speak to anyone and I can just enjoy my Budweiser in the corner of the bar by my damn self and be happy as a clam. 

Convo with someone you haven't seen since high school:
"OMG I haven't seen you in so long, how are you?!"
"Good, how are you?!"
"Good! So what's new?"

^^^^^HATE THAT QUESTION. IF I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN 6 YEARS IM SURE THERES A LOT OF SHIT THATS NEW. 

Would you like to know what's not new? Your strapless bodycon dress with no jacket in the middle of December. I mean whatever though. I'll just be chilling in my XXL sweater and Hunter's while you catch a cold. Ugh.

xoxo 
Blondie 

3.23.2015

Growing Pains

Okay so old news, but growing older isn't as cool as it was perceived to be when you're 15 stuck at home mad because you can't get a ride to the mall on a Friday night. Looking back I'm like, what on God's green earth was so cool about walking around Great Lakes Mall from 6-9 on a Friday night. "Hey ma, can I have twenty bucks for the mall tonight?" I mean really, what did I think I was going to get with twenty bucks.. Half of a Hollister tee? 

At first it's super awesome. No curfew, eat junk food, or leave whenever I want and delete the annoying out the door convo that went:
"I'm going to (insert place), with (insert people). No there won't be drugs. No there won't be alcohol. I'll be home at (insert time). Yes I will check in hourly." 

And then reality sets in. How much is car insurance? What does comprehensive and collision mean? You mean water and heat aren't free? Gas is expensive. $3 a gallon for milk?! Good thing I don't drink it. HOW DID I USE SO MUCH WATER LAST MONTH? Time to stop showering I guess. Wait I have to pay for renters insurance too? Shouldn't trash and sewage be free? I could go on, but you get the idea. 

Don't get me started on the hangovers. Since when did ONE night of drinking become a THREE day recovery process. I mean seriously.

Day One: self pity while hugging the toilet bowl. Sunglasses are essential. 
Day Two: McDonald's breakfast and Excedrin. And water. Lots and lots of water. 
Day Three: I can finally function at 80%. Wow, I could really go for a Big Mac. 

Speaking of Big Mac's, since when did my metabolism come to a dramatic halt? I wish I could go back in time, slap myself for ever referring to myself as "flabby", alert myself that it only gets worse and that is it absolutely impossible to lose weight as quickly when you're in your mid twenties. I mean really. I used to be able to eat, go workout, eat and go about my business. Now it's more: I can't eat now because I workout in two hours, *30 min of cardio* "WOW IM EXHAUSTED", eat, "holy crap I'm sore", help me I'm dead.

These are my experiences of growing older. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong. 

xoxo
Blondie 

3.21.2015

True Life: I Am Elliot Stabler's Wife

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. *DUN DUN*


Okay, what is it about Elliot Stabler that gets the heart racing? Is it his how sexual his voice sounds when he interrogates perps? Maybe it's the fact that he looks sharp as a tack in his suit and tie. Or maybe, HE IS JUST SUCH A BABE. Do I really need a reason? The other day, as I binge watched SVU, I watched a re-run of an episode where some jack-o-lantern did a number on Elliot's chest and face. I'm like, HELLLLLO, I don't care how crazy you are.. you don't just go around damaging beautiful. It was like a bullet straight to the heart. Obviously I absolutely love SVU, but has it really been the same without Detective Stabler? His last episode made me feel like my heart was being ripped from my chest, stomped on and then left to be fed to the wolves. Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic. I was upset about it though. And you're lying if you say you weren't.

My favorite line is when the people being questioned are like, "Do you have kids detective?" I'm like, "OH HOW ORIGINAL YOU DONT THINK HE JUST GOT ASKED THAT TWO EPISODES AGO? YES HE HAS KIDS LOOK AT HIM, WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO REPRODUCE!!!?" And yes, I am watching a SVU marathon right now. I'm glad you asked.


xoxo

Blondie

3.19.2015

Please excuse my RBF

I suffer from resting bitch face. It's not like I  purposely choose to go around looking like life kicked me where the sun don't shine. Or do I? There is some what of a mystery when you have RBF. Maybe I have a piss poor attitude (usually), maybe I am irritated (probably) or maybe I hate you (very strong possibility). Whether something is wrong, or isn't, it's inevitable that I will always get asked the ever so wearisome question, "WHATS WRONG? ARE YOU OKAY?" In my head I'm like, "Yeah I was perfectly fine until you started talking" and to their face I'm like, "Yeah I was perfectly fine until you started talking." 

In reality, I guess I do wear my emotions on my sleeve like it's this years hottest trend. But usually, I'm just silently observing. I like to say silently observing because it sounds a lot better than saying 'I'm silently judging you so hard that I can't believe you haven't stopped what you're doing already.' That last sentence makes me sound kind of bitchy. Maybe that's because I am? I don't know. I try hard not to be. I really try to be a nice and kind hearted person.. Some days are just harder than others when your heart is ice cold from life's routine wear and tear. Whatever. 

xoxo
Blondie

3.18.2015

Blondetourage


Hi! So, I'm new to this whole blog world. I'm not sure if I will really gather a "following" of people. Honestly, I'm really not that interesting. I'd say I'm just your textbook blonde broad, who needs to get my roots touched up every 2 months.. All while trying to adjust to this "real world" bullshit. I'm not too sure what will come of this, but it's worth a shot! Here are some useless facts about myself that I feel are the foundation for my being. I am addicted to Diet Coke. I love flowers, except for mums. I hate mums. I will eat any potato product. I love a good mom and pop coffee shop that serves a delicious and instagramable latte. I love the snow until I'm sick of the cold and then I hate the snow. I love the summer, until I'm sick of the heat and then I hate the summer. I'm more of the sweater weather type. You know, the kind that eats all of the fatty foods, but late night pins to my workout board a zillion different workouts I'll probably never do (one day, right?). My spirit animals are as follow: Lauren Conrad x Sofia Vergara x Cruella Deville. And there you have it. That just about sums it up. Until another time, friends. 

xoxo
Blondie