Mother's Day Minus Mother

As you all know, Mother’s Day is approaching. Since when is it almost the middle of April, let alone almost May? It may seem a little early to write this post, seeing as Mother's Day is about a month away, but with all of the hype already starting about this holiday, I felt obligated to write.

I am certain that when the day comes, my social media feeds will be filled with joyous pictures and kind words of everyone’s Mothers. It brings me much joy to see how children and their Mothers have such a strong bond. How these children were able to learn, grow and build an everlasting friendships with their Mothers. Being a Mother is a full time job for the rest of your life. You don’t get to retire after ‘x’ amount of years. You wholeheartedly commit to raising your child, loving your child and providing guidance for your child through every stage of their life. Their first boo-boo, their first crush, their high school graduation, the path they choose thereafter, their first big kid job, their marriage, kids, grandkids, etc. Your children look for you to help them through these stages of life. Mothers carry a child for 9 months, give a grueling birth that most likely lasted hours, and they are the go to source for any and all information needed for the rest of their children’s lives. I like seeing these posts. It wasn’t always that way though.

Honestly, I used to hate seeing these posts. I would mistake my envy for anger and resentment. I remember always thinking “it must be nice” as I scrolled. For me, I had a Mother who was around when it was convenient for her to be a Mother. For her, being a Mother wasn’t a full time job. It was more of like a PRN position until she ended up just quitting all together. For a while I held a lot of anger in. I never wanted to say anything because I wouldn’t want to bore people with my problems, or I would think “this is normal” or, I would feel embarrassed. It really burns, worse than acid reflux (which I’ve only had once but it really frickin sucked), when the woman who birthed me, the woman who carried me inside of her for almost a fucking year, can just disappear like I never even existed. But, from all of that, something absolutely beautiful happened. Something absolutely incredible. I gained nearly a dozen Mothers. These amazing women stepped up, when they were not obligated to, to guide me through those on going growing pains and keep me on the straight and narrow. To this day I wonder where I would be without these women in my life, but I am glad I do not have to know where I would be without them, because I would not be nearly half the woman I am today if it were not for these women. I am forever grateful. 

I went back and forth with myself about if I wanted to write this post or not. It is very bizarre for me to put something this personal out there. The reason I decided to was because I thought that maybe someone out there could relate, and that this post could possibly help them get through their tough time. They would know they're not alone. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the negative, hang our heads and feel sorry for ourselves. They say misery loves company. To prevent this, we MUST focus on searching for and seeing the good in the world. Focus on bettering ourselves, knowing that we will never be anything like them. We MUST keep a positive outlook and find uplifting distractions from the constant stresses of life. I am not saying that we can’t ever be upset about things that hurt us. Are we really human if we don’t feel? All I am saying is that if we linger in the gloom, the gloom will consume us. We will become the gloom. NO ONE LIKES GLOOM. It is okay to sulk for a little while, but remember your purpose. Find your passion. If you can spread that energy to yourself, it will empower you to continue to grow, become stronger and help someone else along the way.

Anyway, sorry for the serious rambling. The next post will be back to your regularly scheduled sarcasm and sass. Happy Mother’s Day!

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
-C.S. Lewis



Manic Monday

It wouldn't be Monday if Mother Nature didn't come full force with her army of ill minded, pain inflicting, little devils continuously kicking my uterus with steel toed boots. I couldn't imagine any other way I would want to spend my day (after working a 12 hour night shift) than putting myself into ridiculous positions trying to rid myself of this nonstop torture. I did some searching and all of a sudden I remember the Legs Up The Wall pose. BINGO! This pose has so many benefits, and cramp relief happens to be one of them. If I could stay in this pose all day, I would. FYI, here are some of the other benefits from Legs Up The Wall that may be of service to you:

  1. Relieves swollen ankles + mild backache.
  2. Stretches the back of the neck, front torso and hamstrings.
  3. Migrane and headache relief.
  4. Calms anxiety.

I am no expert on yoga and the different poses. I learn a lot from doing research on different poses and I still barely know anything. I have been in a yoga hiatus as of lately, so I am needing to get back into it. Before I started, I always thought "there's no way that yoga can provide that good of a workout." I have never been so dead wrong in my life. Actually, this was the first time in my entire life that I was wrong. Just ask my boyfriend, he'll tell you I'm always right. The way your body and your mind connect while doing yoga and how you feel an overall sense of peace with yourself after the class is pretty amazing. The way you can push your body and see advancement through one class is reason enough to keep going back. 

Other than Mother Nature being a pesty little betch and me complaining about everything under the sun, today was overall a pretty good day. My Midol finally kicked in. It was sunny and 50's. Me and Lacy enjoyed the outdoors and went for a jog/walk/pull Cassee all over the street. Just a PSA, if you're thinking about getting a Bloodhound or any hound mix, please note that you will NEVER have a leisurely walk. I mean ever. But they're so cute so you should totes buy one. Buy me one too, Lacy wants a friend.




So, I've noticed that as I get older (yes 24 is old), the less I text and the less phone calls I have logged. Most of my recents are missed calls because I really don't feel like overexerting myself by holding a 5 min conversation. Sometimes my hearing disability is clutch because if I can't hear you, I can't respond and its a win win (for me at least). I'd say I'm like 50% hearing disability, 50% selective hearing. Sometimes that ratio is 75/25. 

I find myself avoiding going to the local hot spot bars on the weekend because I don't wan to run into anyone and have the meaningless conversation about how we haven't seen each other in, like, forever and we should totes hang out soon. "Okay I'm gonna go get a beer now, byeeeeee!" I've found that if I do end up at these humdrum bars, I avoid eye contact at all costs so I don't have to speak to anyone and I can just enjoy my Budweiser in the corner of the bar by my damn self and be happy as a clam. 

Convo with someone you haven't seen since high school:
"OMG I haven't seen you in so long, how are you?!"
"Good, how are you?!"
"Good! So what's new?"


Would you like to know what's not new? Your strapless bodycon dress with no jacket in the middle of December. I mean whatever though. I'll just be chilling in my XXL sweater and Hunter's while you catch a cold. Ugh.



Growing Pains

Okay so old news, but growing older isn't as cool as it was perceived to be when you're 15 stuck at home mad because you can't get a ride to the mall on a Friday night. Looking back I'm like, what on God's green earth was so cool about walking around Great Lakes Mall from 6-9 on a Friday night. "Hey ma, can I have twenty bucks for the mall tonight?" I mean really, what did I think I was going to get with twenty bucks.. Half of a Hollister tee? 

At first it's super awesome. No curfew, eat junk food, or leave whenever I want and delete the annoying out the door convo that went:
"I'm going to (insert place), with (insert people). No there won't be drugs. No there won't be alcohol. I'll be home at (insert time). Yes I will check in hourly." 

And then reality sets in. How much is car insurance? What does comprehensive and collision mean? You mean water and heat aren't free? Gas is expensive. $3 a gallon for milk?! Good thing I don't drink it. HOW DID I USE SO MUCH WATER LAST MONTH? Time to stop showering I guess. Wait I have to pay for renters insurance too? Shouldn't trash and sewage be free? I could go on, but you get the idea. 

Don't get me started on the hangovers. Since when did ONE night of drinking become a THREE day recovery process. I mean seriously.

Day One: self pity while hugging the toilet bowl. Sunglasses are essential. 
Day Two: McDonald's breakfast and Excedrin. And water. Lots and lots of water. 
Day Three: I can finally function at 80%. Wow, I could really go for a Big Mac. 

Speaking of Big Mac's, since when did my metabolism come to a dramatic halt? I wish I could go back in time, slap myself for ever referring to myself as "flabby", alert myself that it only gets worse and that is it absolutely impossible to lose weight as quickly when you're in your mid twenties. I mean really. I used to be able to eat, go workout, eat and go about my business. Now it's more: I can't eat now because I workout in two hours, *30 min of cardio* "WOW IM EXHAUSTED", eat, "holy crap I'm sore", help me I'm dead.

These are my experiences of growing older. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong. 



True Life: I Am Elliot Stabler's Wife

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. *DUN DUN*

Okay, what is it about Elliot Stabler that gets the heart racing? Is it his how sexual his voice sounds when he interrogates perps? Maybe it's the fact that he looks sharp as a tack in his suit and tie. Or maybe, HE IS JUST SUCH A BABE. Do I really need a reason? The other day, as I binge watched SVU, I watched a re-run of an episode where some jack-o-lantern did a number on Elliot's chest and face. I'm like, HELLLLLO, I don't care how crazy you are.. you don't just go around damaging beautiful. It was like a bullet straight to the heart. Obviously I absolutely love SVU, but has it really been the same without Detective Stabler? His last episode made me feel like my heart was being ripped from my chest, stomped on and then left to be fed to the wolves. Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic. I was upset about it though. And you're lying if you say you weren't.

My favorite line is when the people being questioned are like, "Do you have kids detective?" I'm like, "OH HOW ORIGINAL YOU DONT THINK HE JUST GOT ASKED THAT TWO EPISODES AGO? YES HE HAS KIDS LOOK AT HIM, WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO REPRODUCE!!!?" And yes, I am watching a SVU marathon right now. I'm glad you asked.




Please excuse my RBF

I suffer from resting bitch face. It's not like I  purposely choose to go around looking like life kicked me where the sun don't shine. Or do I? There is some what of a mystery when you have RBF. Maybe I have a piss poor attitude (usually), maybe I am irritated (probably) or maybe I hate you (very strong possibility). Whether something is wrong, or isn't, it's inevitable that I will always get asked the ever so wearisome question, "WHATS WRONG? ARE YOU OKAY?" In my head I'm like, "Yeah I was perfectly fine until you started talking" and to their face I'm like, "Yeah I was perfectly fine until you started talking." 

In reality, I guess I do wear my emotions on my sleeve like it's this years hottest trend. But usually, I'm just silently observing. I like to say silently observing because it sounds a lot better than saying 'I'm silently judging you so hard that I can't believe you haven't stopped what you're doing already.' That last sentence makes me sound kind of bitchy. Maybe that's because I am? I don't know. I try hard not to be. I really try to be a nice and kind hearted person.. Some days are just harder than others when your heart is ice cold from life's routine wear and tear. Whatever. 




Hi! So, I'm new to this whole blog world. I'm not sure if I will really gather a "following" of people. Honestly, I'm really not that interesting. I'd say I'm just your textbook blonde broad, who needs to get my roots touched up every 2 months.. All while trying to adjust to this "real world" bullshit. I'm not too sure what will come of this, but it's worth a shot! Here are some useless facts about myself that I feel are the foundation for my being. I am addicted to Diet Coke. I love flowers, except for mums. I hate mums. I will eat any potato product. I love a good mom and pop coffee shop that serves a delicious and instagramable latte. I love the snow until I'm sick of the cold and then I hate the snow. I love the summer, until I'm sick of the heat and then I hate the summer. I'm more of the sweater weather type. You know, the kind that eats all of the fatty foods, but late night pins to my workout board a zillion different workouts I'll probably never do (one day, right?). My spirit animals are as follow: Lauren Conrad x Sofia Vergara x Cruella Deville. And there you have it. That just about sums it up. Until another time, friends.